Blogtober day 21 – what scares me

Hello welcome to day 21 of my Blogtober Challenge – this involves being given a topic to write about every day in October. The title I’ve been given today is “What are you afraid of.”

Humm this is a tricky one. I am generally quite relaxed about most things but there are a few things that scare me. I have a really realistic recurring dream where all my teeth fall out. This always make me wake up in a panic vowing to brush my teeth more thoroughly.

I find a lot of what is going on in UK and US politics pretty frightening. The idea of Donald Trump with his finger on the nuclear trigger is terrifying. My husband was born overseas (he is now a naturalised British citizen). The more extreme anti immigrant rhetoric in politics and the media makes me feel very uneasy. My daughter (aged 8) asked me recently if the government would ever send her dad back to his home country – it worries me that she thinks this could happen.

However for my biggest fear I’m going to choose the one thing that scares me a little bit every day. The chance of my kids getting run over. I once saw a little kid run out onto a main road in front of a car. It screeched to an emergency stop narrowly missing the little boy. I vividly remember the sound of the tyres and the screaming. It would have been a very bad accident if the car had been going any faster. The horrific image is firmly lodged in my memory.

I walk with the kids all the time. At the moment I’m trying to phase out using a pushchair with my twins who have just turned 4. I’m finding it can be a bit of a logistical challenge. I am like a broken record repeating “Stay close” and “Come away from the edge of the pavement”. The boys are getting more sensible but sometimes want to run ahead or refuse to hold my hand. It makes me nervous when they walk past people’s driveways incase someone reverses out without seeing them. There are also a couple of points on our route to school that are quite narrow and I have seen drivers impatiently mount the pavement to squeeze around getting too close to people walking. I’ve had a couple of really vivid and upsetting dreams where one of the kids has been hit by a car which really scare me.

Eleanor Roosevelt said

do-one-thing-everyday-that-scares-you

I usually take the pushchair with me even if the boys are walking. If one of the boys gets tired, starts messing around near the road or has a meltdown I can pop them back in the pushchair and carry on. But it does mean that they can be quite quick to want to give up on walking and opt to sit down instead.

Today I channeled my inner Eleanor Roosevelt and took Sofia and the twins into the village and on the bus without the pushchair. It was the most ambitious pushchair free trip I’ve done on my own with the 3 kids. I was a bit nervous but took a deep breath and went for it. It went really so much more smoothly than I anticipated. I felt really proud of the kids and myself. It has made me feel a little bit braver and determined to leave the pushchair at home more often.

What scares you? Do you have any anxiety dreams like I have?

#Blogtober16

2 thoughts on “Blogtober day 21 – what scares me

  1. The world is such a scary place and it is worrying that Trump can be in power….
    My youngest wants to walk to school herself and I won’t let her because I’m scared of the roads….She is sensible but it’s other people who are dangerous.
    Well done for venturing out without the pushchair….It sounds like the trip went well!
    #Blogtober16
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