One thing I didn’t anticipate before having Sam and Leo is how much attention twins attract. They are well known in our village and people will often smile or say a word or two about them. We were once mobbed by cooing old ladies in our local bakery. This can be tricky when I’m running late to collect Sofia from school.
People can be unbelievably nice (I wrote here about The Kindness of Strangers) and have said some really lovely things to us. My favourites are people telling me that they are a twin, that they have twins or have twin grandchildren. I guess these are people who generally see twins in a positive light.
Then there are the really annoying comments………here’s a little round up of what not to say to parents of twins.
You’ve got your hands full!
This is top of the list of annoying things I hear pretty much daily. One it’s stating the obvious. Two it is often said in a smug you’ve got it harder than me kind of way. Three (and this is absolutely the worst) it is often said at moments when things are going a bit wrong. If one of your kids is having a tantrum or you are struggling to navigate a shop with loads of shopping and a double buggy what you don’t need is someone gleefully saying this. Unless it is followed up by let me help you, don’t say it!
Was it buy one get one free?
It’s not original. I’ve heard it a million times. It’s not funny anymore! Having three kids (I have an older daughter as well as twins) is incredibly expensive – there are no buy one get one frees. The food, formula, nappies and childcare costs are slowly bankrupting us.
I’d hate to have twins
This really upset me when I was pregnant with my twins. I took it really personally. I interpreted it as a person saying I wouldn’t like to have a family like yours. Now it just annoys the hell out of me! I guess people looking in from the outside only see the hard work and don’t necessarily think of the massive blessing that I’ve found twins to be.
I hear this pretty much every time I leave the house. Why are you saying my kids are trouble! I think with this one people just want to say something but is this really the best you can do? I will smile but inside I am groaning!
Did you have IVF?
I think IVF is an amazing thing and a subject that people may be or may not be comfortable to talk about. But think about it people – you are basically asking a total stranger to tell you about their fertility. This could be a really sensitive subject to bring up in the queue at Tesco. You wouldn’t ask a person in the street about any other personal aspect of their health. It’s not appropriate.
Phew rant over!
Are there any twin comments that you find a bit annoying? Let me know in the comments section below.
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